It’s Christmas time and that means going through the garage looking inside of EVERY box, swearing this year you are going to label all of them for the next time because god damn is it hot in the garage and sooo many daddy long legs, when you come across a large folder of writing assignments from the 4th grade. You know the ones, you walk into the classroom and there is a prompt on the board, the teacher hands you a piece of construction paper and tells you to draw a ven diagram or umbrella map thing to plan out your writing, then you get 30 minutes to write.


Once upon a time there lived a princess. She lived in a big castle. Her name was Ashley. She had long blonde hair, Hazle eyes, and red lips. She lived with her dad King Steve. Ashley lived with her mom Qween Karen. She had a shoping mall with lots of jewrley. She had princess cut diamonds And 14 carrot gold post. She had a big brother named Joe he liked a store in the mall named JW. They have the uglest clothes. I have a brother named David. he liked toys, R, US. he has millions of toys. King Steve said they should shout down the mall. I went to my room and complaind about what my dad said. But he said he was just jocking. He began to laugh verey hard. I just slapped him. Well lets get more into my life. I just got a crown it was 14ct with lots of dimons. It shines like the sun. I have a big screen TV I like to watch ER. My favorite movie is Sabrina goes to Rome. I got to meet the spice girls and Backstreet Boys. The spice girls names are Emma, Mel B., Mel C., Victoria, geri. The Backstreet Boys names are AJ, Kevin, Brian, Howie.

– Ashley Boyden (1998)

For funsies…let’s dissect this.

She had long blonde hair, Hazle eyes, and red lips.

I am pretty certain that I have never had hazel eyes. I am not even sure how I knew what hazel eyes were in the 4th grade.

She had a shoping mall with lots of jewrley. She had princess cut diamonds And 14 carrot gold post.

My mom clearly taught me the essentials of jewelry shopping. This 9 year old knows exactly what she wants.

She had a big brother named Joe he liked a store in the mall named JW. They have the uglest clothes. I have a brother named David. he liked toys, R, US. he has millions of toys.

I seemed really offended by this JW store and I have zero recollection of it.

King Steve said they should shout down the mall. I went to my room and complaind about what my dad said. But he said he was just jocking. He began to laugh verey hard.

Ooookaaayyy, King Steve. Do I have daddy issues?

I just slapped him. Well lets get more into my life. I just got a crown it was 14ct with lots of dimons. It shines like the sun

I’m a BOSS ASS BITCH!!!!!

I have a big screen TV I like to watch ER. My favorite movie is Sabrina goes to Rome. I got to meet the spice girls and Backstreet Boys. The spice girls names are Emma, Mel B., Mel C., Victoria, geri. The Backstreet Boys names are AJ, Kevin, Brian, Howie.

Umm…I never watched ER and I do not recall Sabrina in Rome. Seriously though, how did I go undiagnosed with ADHD until I was 30?!?!

Rating: 1 out of 5.