I have been struggling with an assignment at work lately : 3 goals for the year. I start going to the obvious, building skills, working towards a promotion, moving into leadership, become stinky filthy rich!!! Then once I think about actually being in that position I stop. I stop and I think, “ I don’t think that would actually make me happy or fulfilled”. Then I sit around,stressing, wondering “ well, then what would make me happy and fulfilled”.
It is now 2:41 am and I am having one of those nights where insomnia and anxiety decide they were more important than sleep. Then it hit me. So here I am, phone in hand jotting down my thoughts while everyone sleeps peacefully.
I am fulfilled. I’m in a place in my life I never thought I would be. Do I want to make more money? Feel the pride that comes with saying you have achieved some high rank at work? OF COURSE! But I have come to the conclusion that I am at the rainbow sprinkle stage of my life. Hear me out:
I spent years in the empty bowl faze. Growing up, trying to figure out what kind of ice cream I wanted to fill my bowl with. Did I want to be a marine biologist, or a doctor? Live a lavish life as an Executive living in some big fancy city? Did I want to be a dancer?
I convinced myself that my bowl could never be filled. Then I got to a point where I thought I ran my clock out and I wasn’t going to get ice cream in my bowl. I was ready to settle for dry cereal. (You guys are probably purchasing a straight jacket right about now…I look best in jewel tones btw). I mean, at least there was something in my bowl, right? I never thought I would be at a point, deciding on sprinkles. You can’t even put sprinkles on cereal! (You technically can but you catch my drift).
I guess I just always thought my ice cream would be successful, and rich flavored. The best of the best flavored and when I couldn’t get that ice cream (I totally could but I told myself I couldn’t) I settled. For dry, no sprinkled cereal. Little did I know that at what I thought was my lowest point in life, I was actually adding my first scoop of creamy Mint Chocolate Chip (the green kind is the only acceptable kind) ice cream to my bowl. It was “love flavored” (even I am starting to see how this is getting weird but I swear I’m almost to the point) in the form of my daughter, Lily.
Once I had that first scoop, I was like “hmm, maybe I can have ice cream” and I could! I got that second scoop (it’s Nick. Yes, Nick is my second scoop. He’s like the cookie dough ice cream that is just too sweet but I can’t help but love). Then of course we all know I topped it off with one big, mommy loving scoop right on top, my little boy. As mothers and women we are made to feel guilty about our life’s passion being our family or for us to consider our family our purpose, or let’s say our “ice cream”.
I’m not going to stop there,I’ve cream toppings make everything better, but I’m not doing it for purpose anymore. I don’t want to try so hard to get sprinkles that I let my ice cream melt. The ice cream is the main event anyways. It’s the best part!
But we all know…sprinkles are pretty dope and I am tired.
The end. *curtsy*
Extra rainbow sprinkles please!